User blog:NanoLancensis/The Land Before Time XLV
The Land Before Time XLV: We're Running out of Creative Plotlines so We're Just Going to Kill Off a Bunch of Minor Characters is the 45th installment in the Land Before Time series of films. It is a very unusual part of the franchise, as it seems to only exist to kill of almost every single minor character in the series. It was the final film in the series to use traditional animation, as trees had become extinct weeks prior to the movie's debut. Future films would be animated using 7D animation software. Plot The film opens with the narrator explaining how, due to how perilous life was for the dinosaurs, almost all dinosaurs would not survive to adulthood, or would be killed long before old age could hit. He, bizarrely, refuses to mention the bizarre paradise filled with Mesozoic fauna discovered in the early 2500's. The first of the film's fatalities is Ali, who is very graphically beheaded by a rogue domehead not 3 minutes into the movie. Littlefoot quickly finds out about his fiance's death, and sets out on a mission with Cera, Ducky, Petrie, and Spike to, on quote, "destroy all of the characters who have had no point in furthering the legacy of Don Bluth's fine 1988 movie from a time when chipmunks existed". Before they leave the valley, they dispatch of Ruby and Chomper with Ducky's trusty desert eagle, knock Hyp, Mutt and Nod into a pool full of bellydraggers, eat Pat, fill the burrow of the tiny longnecks with poison gas, and convert Kosh into turtle soup (all five murders are accompanied by Micheal Jackson's 'Smooth Criminal'). On their quest to destroy all of the franchise's characters, they come across Guido. Spike utters a Spinosaurus mating call, summoning a Sail-Backed Sharptooth to the area and getting Guido eaten. They also run into Ruby and Chomper's parents. By the power of instincts, the two tyrannosaurs eat the Oviraptor pair, who shred the insides of the T. rex couple with their sharp beaks in their dying moments, killing everyone involved in the fight. Later, Bron, Shorty, and (oddly) Rhett come across the gang. Littlefoot summons a pack of fast biters, all of whom beat the three to death with the barely living bodies of Pterano, Rinkus, Sierra, Dana, and Dinah. The eight bodies are then eaten by the pack of dromaeosaurs. In a different part of the Land, the domehead pack responsible for Ali's death stumble upon Ichy and Dil, a pair reunited in a previous film due to affairs with their replacements. They quickly beat, maim, kill, and eat the two (the latter half of the scene is shown in the top image). The final scene of the film are the most bizarrely violent and all-around comical. Ozzy and Strut are dining on eggs, when the three domeheads crash their party and tear out their skeletons, ala Mortal Kombat. The belly-dragger from X appears, and its head is quickly torn off and shattered to bits by one swipe of one of the domeheads' claws. All of a sudden, out absolutely freakin' nowhere, Red Claw, Screech, Thud, the Mountain Sharptooth, the Plated Sharptooth, the Longneck Migration sharptooth trio, the Baryonyx pack, the XI fast biters, the III fast biters, the original film's Dimetrodon, the mother fast biter, the Rutiodon bunch, the featherhead sharpteeth, the Horned Sharptooth, and Sharptooth himself pop out of nowhere, shredding, biting, and goring the Pachycephalosaurus trio to their horrendous deaths (as 'Bad' plays). Just as suddenly as they appeared, they are equally suddenly all crushed to death in a torrential downpour of blood and entrails by the massive foot of Sue the longneck. Littlefoot and his friends arrive at the scene. They quickly convert the Supersaurus to super-steaks, and tenderize her boyfriend as he arrives at the scene. Suddenly, Archie, Avie, Elsie, the Hidden Runner, Mo, Mo's family, the yellowbellies, the rainbowfaces, Rooter, Saro, Tippy and his mother, the Sand Creepers, Doc, Dara, Tickles, Skip, Etta, Wild Arms, Avie, Eggedy Egg, Hyp's dad, the horned gopher colony, Mr. Thicknose, Mrs. Tubehead, Mutt's father, and Swooper descend upon the Gang of Five. Defensively, the five dinosaurs use their musical abilities to stop themselves from being killed, singing a wonderful song in swedish to destroy the eardrums of their attackers, bleed them to death, and, in some cases, self-destruct their enemies. They return to the Great Valley, and are cherished as heroes by their parents and (lack of) surviving friends. However, in the far reaches of the Mysterious Beyond, the ghost of Guido concocts a plan to exact his revenge on the five dinosaur children... Cast *Seth McFarlane : Everybody but Etta and Waalek *Bonzi Buddy : Waalek *Random person : Etta Soundtrack The soundtrack was entirely written and composed by Micheal Jackson. He was the writer or the original song "Swedish Ear Kill", and reused his old songs 'Smooth Criminal' and 'Bad' for the film. Reception The movie was unanimously well received by the tasteless clowns of the 27th century. One reviewer remarked that the death of Ichy and Dil "reminded (him) of the wonderful time when crocodiles and birds were alive". Category:Blog posts